Unemployed

Even typing that word sounds so, strange. I still can't believe that it has been a week since I was laid off from work. I don't feel unemployed, instead I feel like I am on an extended vacation.

I knew going into the day that I was going to be laid off. I got a message from my team lead on Monday and she didn't sound like her usual happy, chipper self. And given the state of the economy and other lay offs throughout the firm, I had a hankering this was coming. The day it happened I tried so hard to keep it together, but every time I thought about Alex and providing for him I just broke down in tears. I want to give him the best, give him the world and how can we do that without me having a job? Thankfully I got a little bit of severance and then I can qualify for unemployment, so our financial outlook, while not so great, is not desperate either. I later found out that I was not alone in the lay off department. That about 29 other friends and colleagues were laid off that week as well. So I know I am not alone out there.

Everyone keeps telling me that this happened for a reason and that something better will come along. While I believe them (and I also believe that this wasn't my fault) I wish I could have some glimpse into the future to see how things get better, or as I was telling my friend this afternoon "I wish God would throw me a bone so I know I am not alone". As I alos tell friends and family, I was not mentally prepared for this. I had fully anticipated staying in this job for at least another three or four years. I am not ready to update my resume or comb the job boards, or network or interview. However, given the current state I better get prepared quickly.

In the meantime, I am looking forward to being a stay at home mommy to Alex. He is growing so fast and developing news skills every day that it is so much fun to be home with him and watch him grow. I also now get to reflect on my life and ask myself the question "What do I want to be when I grow up..."

I keep trying to focus on the positives..that I have a healthy, beautiful baby boy, a healthy wonderful husband and two very supportive sets of parents and lots of supportive friends. Lots of people don't have those things...jobs come and go, but there is no replacement for family. I am taking the next two weeks off to grieve and mend and then hit the job market strong come January 5th...I think I owe it to myself to at least do that.

I can't thank all of you enough for all the love, support and words of wisdom you have shown me over the last week. You know who you are! Love you all! And THANK YOU!