Sweetness Cloaks a Will of Iron

Describes my three year old to a "T".

I have recently been reading a book called "Personality Plus for Parents" and it describes the four different personalities (Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic, and Phlegmatic), characteristics of each personality, how to tell which personality your child is, and how to work with them to appropriately motivate them.

After reading this book it is clear to me that both Alex and Henry are of the "Phlegmatic" personality which is describe by wikipedia as self content and kind, receptive and shy, prefer stability to change and are consistent, relaxed, rational, curious, and observant. Wikipedia also describes them as being passive -agressive.

As I was reading the book, I came accross the following quote in the Phlegmatic section of the book and it really struck home to me that this really describes Alex. Especially with what we are going through right now in terms of potty training. "Sweetness cloaks a will of Iron". Let me explain:

Last week Alex's teacher came up to me and said that they were going to start working on transitioning Alex up to the pre-school room at daycare (start the water works for mommy). They said as part of the transition they would like for the kids to be potty trained before they move up because there isn't a designated changing area for them. Alex has been refusing to use the potty so they thought (and I agreed with them), that switching him straight to underwear would be the right choice. He was showing all the physical signs of being ready for potty training...being able to hold for long periods of time, telling us when he needed to use the potty, could pull his pants up/down, etc. We thought that he would have a couple of accidents and "get it" and be potty trained. This couldn't be farther from the truth...

Like with his big boy room, I started talking to Alex about how he was going to start wearing big boy underwear and we actually went to Target together and picked out three packs of underwear for him to wear. We talked about when he needed to pee/poop he needed to use the potty because his underwear wasn't like diapers and he would get wet. He looked at me with those big brown eyes and said "Ok Mommy! I want to wear big boy underwear!!!!"

Monday morning comes and we pack up all his underwear, put him in his first pair of big boy underwear and head off to school. It went downhill from here. Alex refused to use the potty. REFUSED. They tried everything....they tried motivation, they tried sitting in the bathroom with him while he sat (turns out he is a very modest little boy and does not like the attention), tried bribing him with letting him see Wesley or calling Mommy at work...NOTHING. The kid held it for HOURS! Monday came and went and nothing. He held it so long at school that when he got home he had an accident....we thought..OK he will get it now. Nope. On Tuesday they decided to keep him in his underwear all day, even through nap time. Nothing...no accident, no peeing either... The kid held it for 10 hours!

At this point Henry and I decided to pull out the big guns...Alex and I went to Target and we picked out a special "potty toy" that Alex could play with only when he sat on the potty. We picked out a basket full of little toys and prizes that he could pick from if/when he actually used the potty, we did a sticker chart, we tried bribing him with candy, chocolate milk, etc and nothing. Even bribing him with cupcakes didn't work!

At the end of the week it had gotten to be such a battle that when on Saturday Alex sat on the bathroom floor screaming for 30 minutes and actually refused to sit on the potty, we decided that enough was enough and to stop trying. While he is obviously ready physically he just as obviously not ready mentally. I can only hope we didn't damage him permanently and that his lack of wanting to use the potty will not hold him back academically and back to diapers we go.

As a wise woman once told me "Have you ever seen a grown man still in diapers?" Thank you Greer, you always know how to make me laugh.